We all have equal worth
You once wrote about an overweight fourth grade girl who was teased by nine aggressive boys as she entered the classroom - all while the teacher looked on in silence. What would you have done if you had been the teacher on that day?
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Those mocking, joking boys would have had a fight on their hands, I promise you that. Of course, it would have been better if the embarrassment could have been prevented by discussing the feelings of others from the first day of school. But if the conflict occurred as described, with Nancy suddenly being humiliated for everyone to see, I would have thrown the full weight of my authority and respect on her side of the battle.
My spontaneous response would have carried this general theme: „Wait just a minute! By what right do any of you boys say such mean, unkind things to Nancy? I want to know which of you is so perfect that the rest of us couldn’t make fun of you in some way? I know you all very well. I know about your homes and your school records and some of your personal secrets. Would you like me to share them with the class, so we can all laugh at you the way you just did at Nancy? I could do it! I could make you want to crawl into a hole and disappear. But listen to me! You need not fear. I will never embarrass you in that way. Why not? Because it hurts to be laughed at by your friends. It hurts even more than a stubbed toe or a cut finger or a bee sting.
I want to ask those of you who were having such a good time a few minutes ago: Have you ever had a group of students make fun of you in the same way? If you haven’t then brace yourself. Some day it will happen to you, too. Eventually you will say something foolish - something that will cause everyone to point at you and laugh in your face. And when it happens, I want you to remember what happened today.
(Then addressing the entire class:) Let’s make sure that we learn something important from what took place here this afternoon. First, we will not be mean to each other in this class. We will laugh together when things are funny, but we will not do it by making one person feel bad. Second, I will never intentionally embarrass anyone in this class. You can count on that. Each of you is a child of God. You were made with His loving hands, and He has said that we all have equal worth as human beings. This means that Susie is neither better nor worse than Wade or Mary or Brent. Sometimes I think maybe you believe a few of you are more important than others. It isn’t true. Every one of you is priceless to God. That’s how valuable you are. He wants us to be kind to other people, and we’re going to be practicing that kindness through the rest of this year.”
When a strong, loving teacher comes to the aid of the least respected child in her class, as I’ve described, something dramatic occurs in the emotional climate of the room. Every child seems to utter an audible sigh of relief. The same thought is bouncing around in many little heads: „If Nancy is safe from ridicule -even Nancy- then I must be safe too.” You see, by defending the least popular child in the room, a teacher is demonstrating (1) that she has no ”pets”; (2) that she respects everyone; (3) that she will fight for anyone who is being treated unjustly. Those are three virtues which children value highly, and which contribute to mental health.
And may I suggest to parents, defend the underdog in your neighborhood. Let it be known that you have the confidence to speak for the outcast. Explain this philosophy to your neighbors, and try to create an emotional harbor for the little children whose ship has been threatened by a storm of rejection. Don’t be afraid to exercise leadership on behalf of a youngster who is being mauled. There is no more worthy investment of your time and energy.
The author is founder and chairman of Focus on the Family, a nonprofit organization dedicated to the preservation of the home.
James Dobson
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